So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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