Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
