If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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