she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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