You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
