Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
