Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
