You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
