Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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