Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
