Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
