She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
