One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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