I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
