It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
