The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize