I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
