He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
