I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
