Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
