Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
