so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
