So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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