I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Randomize
