I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
