if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Is it penis luge time yet?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
