So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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