If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
