I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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