I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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