Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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