I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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