I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
