Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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