Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
