Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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