I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
