Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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