I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
