Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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