I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
