I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
