You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
