You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
