I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize