Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
