I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
