The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
