I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
