I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
