If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
