cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
