a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
