I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
