What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
