I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
