I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
