1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Randomize
