i don't like sucking hair
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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