I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
