I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
