No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
