I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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