and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
