she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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