Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
