She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
