I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
